I internalized the fact that I did not know what I was working on as an inadequacy of myself and not being good enough, smart enough to think of an idea.
I had been kind of drifting in and out of sleep in my bed with a laptop and books and the light on and I hadn’t actually been going to bed or waking up. So, I didn’t really know when I was sleeping, or how many hours of sleep I was getting, or when I was waking up.
Facing the quals challenge really made me feel like I was not necessarily going to be competent enough to do it. I might not even be capable of doing it.
I was left with the official lowest score in the class…I started questioning whether I should still be a neuroscientist, whether this was the path for me.
I was worried that I wasn’t giving my other passions… the opportunity to be something more…I did not want to find out thirty years from now that that’s what I should have been doing instead.
When I switched majors, I knew deep down that I didn’t really want to pursue those long term…I always knew I did not like them; I just kept making myself do them because I thought this is what I am supposed to be doing.